Question:
My question is pertaining to the status of women here in the USA. As Muslim sisters we are out numbering the brothers more than 8 to 1 . With this situation how do U address the marriage situation in the Islamic society? Also the second thing; with the ruling that the brothers are responsible for their families the extended family, the widows orphans and divorced women in the communities and extended communities, with this can U expound on the brothers leaving the communities and or their countries to marry abroad. This is leaving the Muslim sisters here without husbands. This situation is beginning to become necessary to be discussed seriously. This Leaves me in a desperate situation since I am older and am out of the situation mostly totally, because of these situations and the fact that even the older brothers are looking for younger wives.

Answer:
The situation of the Ummah today anywhere in the world is indeed a travesty in all matters. As you know, the US is not an Islamic society and common sense dictates that brothers should be able to find their wives in the states since as you have said that women out number the men by far. However, from an Islamic point of view both men and women are given their preference in marriage. Families as well as individuals are free to marry whomever they see fit. And that maybe someone next door or someone thousands of miles away. Thus, there is really not much more to say from an Islamic point of view on this matter because these preferences are not under our control.

However, with regards to your situation, remember that Allah is able to do all things, and if you pray to Him sincerely, he will answer your supplications.

Allah (azza wajal) says:

"And when My slaves ask you concerning Me, then I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicants when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright." [2:186]

Also remember the story of Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her), who was of older age when her husband died. Though this story may not be directly related to your situation, from this story you can derive many beneficial lessons of patience and various supplications.

She said: "Abu Salamah came to me one day after being with the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) and said: 'I heard from the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) something that made me very happy. He said, "There is no calamity that befalls one of the Muslims and he responds by saying 'Inna Lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'oon (Truly, to Allah we belong, and truly, to Him we shall return),' then he says, 'Allahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha (O Allah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it),' but Allah will do that for him."'" Umm Salamah said: "I learnt this from him, and when Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Inna Lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'oon,' then , 'Allahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha,' Then I thought to myself, Where could I find anyone better than Abu Salamah? When my 'iddah (waiting-period) was over, the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) asked permission to see me, whilst I was busy dyeing a hide. I washed the qaraz (a kind of dye derived from a certain plant) from my hands and granted him permission, putting out for him a leather cushion stuffed with palm fibres. He sat down on it, and asked for my hand in marriage. When he had finished what he had to say, I said: 'O Messenger of Allah, I do not want you to lose interest in me, but I am a very jealous woman, and I am afraid that you may see in me something that could earn me the punishment of Allah. I am also a woman who is ageing, and I have children.' He said, 'As for the jealousy you mentioned, Allah will take this away from you (according to another report: as for you saying that you are a jealous woman, I will pray to Allah to take away your jealousy). As for what you say about age, the same applies to me as to you. As for your children, your children are my children.' So I accepted his offer and the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) married me. Allah gave me someone even better than Abu Salamah, namely the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) ."

In order for our supplications to be answered inshaAllah, one has to be completely honest with Allah in the way that person seeks to be patient in the pleasure of Allah. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said : "Whoever seeks to be patient, Allah will give him patience." (Bukhari).

Allah has created the means of getting results, so in the midst of our trials, we must pay special observance to the laws of Allah that govern us. InshaAllah use this time as building on the good character that you posses and polishing the bad characteristics you may have. Continue to strive hard and call on Allah. Allah will not betray the hopes of His slaves or cause their hard work and efforts to be lost or wasted. InshaAllah if you are patient, many good things such as marriage will come to you without you expecting it. And if they do not come in this life, you have succeeded inshallah in the pleasure of Allah for something better in the next life.


 

 
 

 

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